Time is NOT on My Side

   It's been a while. Like, a really long while, compared to the usual time between my posts. And that's what it all comes down to---time. And money. But in this case time.

   The new school year has definitely flung me back into the realm of busy-even-when-you're-not-doing-anything. Yes, there have been times when I could have sat down and written something, but there always seemed to be something else waiting for me. I wish I had the care-free weekends and afternoons like countless of my fellow peers, but that never really seems to happen.

   Woah I just typed without looking!! I did it again!

   Sorry for the minor, completely idiotic interruption.

   So like I was saying, time never seems to visit me much. I try my best to make room for everything going on, but that isn't always successful. But what're you going to do?

   Still, I'm trying to do things. Aside from the preset things I have to do (school, homework, tech, and work) I was to find time for my creative escapades I plan on accomplishing this year. Some things on that list include make a short film, move forward with my book, finish a song or two, cover my wall in photographs, and make a piece of my own clothing. Pretty cool, eh?

   So I'm going to do all of my artistic plans on the side, as hobbies I suppose, and focus on majoring in Geology. Of course, that could change over the next year or so, but I need to give myself more specific goals so they can be achieved to the best of my abilities.

   I don't think I can ever recall having a first week of school quite like this one.

   For starters, I missed the bus the very first day. Lame, I know. But it isn't as cut-and-dry as it seems. You see,  my bus stop was cut due to costs and they (the district or whomever is responsible) failed to inform myself, my parents, or the others at my stop, AKA my 2 brothers and a kid down the street. So, we rode the middle school bus that morning, and ended up being late to school. The very first day.
   The second day was... better and worse, depending on which way you looked at it. First off, it was picture day, so it was bound to be awful. Also, towards the end of 2nd block (AP Calculus AB) I became extremely tired and became a zombie for the rest of the day.
   Today was supposed to finally be normal. We would have class at the normal time, get on and off the bus the way it was regrettably going to be done for the rest of the year, etc. But of course we can't have a normal day, now can we?! No. I walk all the way up the steep hill to my new bus stop, only to find out once I reach the top that school is cancelled. CANCELLED. Fantastic.
   I'm sure for most people that was good news. And yes, I did get to sleep an extra 3 hours and now I can finish last night's homework. But I honestly hate missing school. Even if I hate it, and at some points in the day I do, I still rather be stuck there than have to stay home. But there isn't much I can do about the weather and what it does to the school.
   Anyhow, now that I have released at least part of my anger towards society, back to the real stuff. The things in life that matter. This past week relates to a lot of things I've already talked about: things not going according to plan, change, perspective. But there is a world beyond this week, and those things. I plan on discovering that world, which is not a simple task, and cannot happen over night. But no matter what I end up doing in life, I plan on making an impact. I don't want life to pass me by without having any sort of recognition for what I did in it. So I'm going to make sure it doesn't.

More Than Meets the Eye

   Change is a tricky thing. It can either be for the better or for the worse. It can be for a purpose, or unintentional. Sometimes change is welcome, and sometimes it is unwanted. Maybe it was for no reason, or perhaps it was inevitable. Some people will accept or even encourage your changes, while others may reject them. Basically, change is almost always complicated.
   Most of the time, I fear change. Terrified of it. Anything from a switch in my routine to moving to a new school. I never really knew why I would get so upset when a friend of mine would appear to slip from my grasp after a period of time. But it really comes down to change and growing up. In some cases, one person would mature and the other would not. Or perhaps one made a decision that changed them in ways the other couldn't help. Sometimes good, and other times, very bad.
   But as I grow up, grow more mature, and grow to be more aware of myself, I realize that sometimes change is necessary. When I stopped and looked at the life I was living, I wasn't as happy as I was pretending to be. Kind of like a postcard from a luxury cruise that felt like the equivalent of hell. Now, my life wasn't, or isn't, anything like hell, but I had a tortured soul. I was lying to myself, pretending that what I had was what I wanted. And I truly did think it was. But people make mistakes.
   So as I evaluated my life, I decided that it was time for a change. A good change. Not one that would upset me or those around me. And that's how I came up with my goals, or what you could call a checklist. I currently have a list of things I'd like to accomplish this year to help me reach my goals for my future life. Most of the things on there are just to test my limits, to help me enjoy life. Some even simultaneously help me decide what I want to do with my life. The whole idea of the checklist is to get me to experience my life in every way I can (within reason of course) so I can be more aware of life.
   I changed my hair. I changed my perspective. I changed my goals. I changed the path my life was leading me down (now, it is quite wide, which is great for my claustrophobia). I know these changes are all for the best so I'm not worried about making decisions that could potentially harm myself or others I care about at this point in my... transformation I guess you could call it. And if you don't like what you see, I'm terribly sorry. I honestly don't give a damn.

Be Careful When You Pick Your Poison

   Things never turn out the way we plan them to. Ever.

   Every scenario imagined, from how a date will go to how your future will pan out, doesn't happen exactly the way you envision it. Sure, if you don't over-think it and it's a pretty cut-and-dry situation it may play out the way you thought it would. But 99% of the time, reality will steer from your pre-destined path.
   So how do I prevent disaster? My advice: have a plan B, along with C, D, and E. If you're into taking risks, well, that's your call. I get taking risks for some things. No-worries-it-won't-ruin-my-life things. As for more serious decisions, I would suggest going into a situation with an open mind and a few good back-up plans.
   Primary example: College. The #1 nightmare/dream for scholastic nerds like myself. I wouldn't suggest setting your mind on one college before you know all of the factors that play a big part in whether you will or won't go. By this I mean things like majors, housing, tuition, scholarships, etc. If you're anything like me, the first thing you look for when you research a college is the tuition and room and board fees, since it's a big deciding factor.
   The whole 'It never turns out the way you plan' idea is a huge source of anxiety for me, and I'm sure many others. What if I fail at my major? What if I can't find a job with my degree? What if I hate what I'm doing?  The easy answer to that is to start over. Sounds great and all, but I do have to face the music at some point. I'll be paying for ONE round of college for the rest of my life---more than that is a far cry from reality. So, I'm going to test out all of my options, so I can be 100% sure when I make such a life-changing decision.
   On that note, I leave you with this question: Do you truly know who you are, and what you want out of your life? It's quite the thing to think about, but if you don't think about it now, the life you're meant to live may pass right on by when you weren't looking. I know, I stress this a lot in my writing. It's only because I know how important it is to me, and it may be important to you, too.

We Are Never Truly Alone

   You know the moment when you're listening to a song and you hear a lyric and think, "That's exactly how I feel"? It can either be a group of words, a verse or two, or even an entire song. Now, some people may think that's pretty insignificant, especially if it's a generic 'I love you' or 'My heart is aching' tune. But whether it's simply worded or extremely specific, it strikes a chord when you can relate to music.
   Why does it effect us so much? In my opinion, I find it incredible when I can sing someone else's song and mean the words coming out of my mouth. It tells me that no matter what I'm feeling, if another person wrote a song expressing the same feelings, then I'm not alone. I'm not the only person who has felt this way, or feels this way.
   Sometimes, it can be rather spooky how much you can connect with lyrics. Last week, I was shuffling through a playlist, and every time Miss America by Something Cooperate came up, I skipped it. I just wasn't in the mood for that album let alone that song. But every time I listened to that playlist, it seemed to be one of the first few songs. So because I hadn't heard it in a while, I decided to give in to its persistence. The first lyric, which I so conveniently forgot, was "Another lonely night in Amsterdam". I couldn't believe how a song could even come close to relating to such an out-of-the-ordinary situation, in which a friend of mine is so close to that city. He may not be lonely, but it made me feel like I was.
   So the idea of associating with another artist's work brings me to another point---making your own. A lot of times, I'll be listening to a song, and I'll relate to almost everything. Almost. So if the song doesn't entirely express how I feel, why don't I write one that does? Sounds easy when I put it like that. Truth be told, it can be very difficult to put what you're feeling into words (thus making it more incredible when you relate to somebody else's). I have notebooks filled with incomplete verses.
   But there have been a few times when I have finished lyrics, some in a surprisingly short amount of time. The feeling is... strange, to be honest. Now, I have yet to take a complete song to the next level, but that is one of my many goals for this year (yes, I go by the academic calendar when I put deadlines on dreams). That way, if I can feel the same way so-and-so does, perhaps another so-and-so can feel the same way I do.
   With school fast approaching, it's time to start kicking things up a notch. I want this year to be different. So, I'm changing my look, I'm taking a theatre class, and I plan on getting more involved with school activities. I hope to learn some new things, along with getting better at what I already know. I need to prepare for the life waiting for me when I find it.

   "Put another 'X' on the calendar; Summer's on its deathbed"

   Thank you, Panic! At The Disco, for once again being so easy to connect with.

A Life From a New Perspective

   It's funny how one event can take the main stage of the present sometimes. A lot of the time it's reasonable why, like the greatly anticipated hurricane of the East Coast. And of course, sometimes it's petty celebrity gossip that spreads like wildfire across our local news stations' headlines. Though this hurricane could be potentially devastating, it doesn't help that fact that I'm ready to bash my head against a fire extinguisher everytime I turn to hear someone discuss it.
   That aside, this kind of wide-spread absorption has brought a topic to my attention---perspective. Sometimes we get so preoccupied with one thing in our lives that we forget about what's really important. Sometimes you don't see things the way they really are, or you take something or even someone for granted---I know I've done it. And I now know it often takes something extreme to give you a better perspective on things, from missing someone to dealing with a health condition.
   Because perspective plays such an important role in how we live our lives, I'm trying to have a good one. My new perspective? I guess I'd say that life is what you make it, and life does not make you. You make you. You have to have a good sense of self to fully accomplish your dreams. Because, if you think about it, if you don't really know who you are, how do you know what you want your life to be?
   So I'm spending my empty hours (when not watching movies and reading Harry Potter) researching colleges. Honestly, it's extremely overwhelming. Narrowing it down, while extremely helpful, is extremely difficult. I know---extreme. But it's better than where I was before. I had one college and one degree stuck in my mind. It's still one of my top film schools, but I'm not even sure I want to do film. So I'm looking at colleges from Arizona to Maine, and different majors from Special Education to Musical Theatre to Geology.
   All the while, I'm trying to make sure I constantly have a good perspective, making sure I keep my head. I don't want to lose it just yet. I'm going to be needing it soon.

"Stop there and let me correct it; I wanna live a life from a new perspective." ~ Panic! At The Disco

Diving Into the Past to Unlock the Future

   Today I did something I don't normally do---let go.

   It wasn't anything extremely important, a bracelet I made to remind me of who I am, but it meant a lot to actually leave it behind. I've been going back to older things and revisiting them to see how important they actually are. And it's been different things, from clothing I don't wear anymore to pictures I haven't looked at in two or three years. I've been finding who I was, who I wanted to be. And now, after sorting through the demons of my past, I'm becoming more aware of who I am and who I want to be.
   For instance, going through my old garments I've been keeping around for no reason have told me how I like to present myself to the world. That image is typically "Yes, I'm a unique freak, what of it?", and I'm perfectly content with that statement. As for the pictures, I've realized how important it is to me to document my life not only through writing, but through photographs and art. It reminds me of what it was like when the photo was taken, or how I felt when I created that piece.
   So I've purchased some new clothes. I bought a beautiful analog camera named Diana about a month ago. And now I'm on the hunt for some AA-batteries for my piece-of-junk digital camera I'm getting by with until I'm rich. Old and new will collide to create the path from the present to my future.
   Next on the agenda: Attempt to follow my heart, even when it's dragging me to strange, unexplored places.

   Wish me luck.

Il Secondo Giorno

   No, this post isn't going to be written in Italian. Sadly, I am not even close to being fluent in any language aside from English. American English at that. One of the most obnoxious languages I have ever heard. I want to learn Italian, French, Armenian, Dutch, Spanish, and much, much more. Knowing languages other than your native tongue spices things up a bit.
   For a boring life, learning a few languages is definitely something to look into. Another thing to learn to make you interesting is an instrument, or several. I used to play piano and saxophone when I was younger. So that's something else I'm going to start to do, as part of my "unlocking" plan. I won't be able to do saxophone, but piano is possible. I also want to learn bass guitar. There's not much better than a chick who plays bass. The piano doesn't hurt either.
   So some goals to make life interesting: 1) Learn new languages, at a minimum of basic French; 2) Return to the piano; 3) Pick up bass.

4) Get a keytar.

Haha, if only I was that cool.

New Beginnings

   Today is a new beginning for me. I'm tired of living half alive. My life is too... uneventful. Well, aside from some random events, like having the entire local fire department at my house due to a branch falling onto the chimney, crumbling it, then free falling bricks hitting the gas pipe below, thus resulting in a gas leak. Aka the reason for the plethora of fire engines. Then today there was the 5.8 earthquake nearly 200 miles away that shook the house strong enough for me to realize it was not a passing truck. But aside from little things like that, my life is pretty dull.

   So I'm starting fresh. No, I'm not going to be able to pack my bags and travel the world like some (you know who you are). However, I'm going to do everything in my power to live the life I was destined to. And before I do that, I'm going to figure out exactly what that life is. There are so many things I wasn't from this world, and everything has been out of my reach. I've always had an excuse for why I can't pursue anything beyond a certain point. Not anymore.

   So I'm changing my ways. I'm cracking the code that will unlock this cage that has kept me in for so long. And it all starts...

Now.