More Than Meets the Eye

   Change is a tricky thing. It can either be for the better or for the worse. It can be for a purpose, or unintentional. Sometimes change is welcome, and sometimes it is unwanted. Maybe it was for no reason, or perhaps it was inevitable. Some people will accept or even encourage your changes, while others may reject them. Basically, change is almost always complicated.
   Most of the time, I fear change. Terrified of it. Anything from a switch in my routine to moving to a new school. I never really knew why I would get so upset when a friend of mine would appear to slip from my grasp after a period of time. But it really comes down to change and growing up. In some cases, one person would mature and the other would not. Or perhaps one made a decision that changed them in ways the other couldn't help. Sometimes good, and other times, very bad.
   But as I grow up, grow more mature, and grow to be more aware of myself, I realize that sometimes change is necessary. When I stopped and looked at the life I was living, I wasn't as happy as I was pretending to be. Kind of like a postcard from a luxury cruise that felt like the equivalent of hell. Now, my life wasn't, or isn't, anything like hell, but I had a tortured soul. I was lying to myself, pretending that what I had was what I wanted. And I truly did think it was. But people make mistakes.
   So as I evaluated my life, I decided that it was time for a change. A good change. Not one that would upset me or those around me. And that's how I came up with my goals, or what you could call a checklist. I currently have a list of things I'd like to accomplish this year to help me reach my goals for my future life. Most of the things on there are just to test my limits, to help me enjoy life. Some even simultaneously help me decide what I want to do with my life. The whole idea of the checklist is to get me to experience my life in every way I can (within reason of course) so I can be more aware of life.
   I changed my hair. I changed my perspective. I changed my goals. I changed the path my life was leading me down (now, it is quite wide, which is great for my claustrophobia). I know these changes are all for the best so I'm not worried about making decisions that could potentially harm myself or others I care about at this point in my... transformation I guess you could call it. And if you don't like what you see, I'm terribly sorry. I honestly don't give a damn.